Between Hope and Fear | 2

In Episode 2 of "tumour, tumour, on the wall," Rosemarie undergoes surgery while her daughter Renee offers support from a distance. The night before the surgery is filled with shadows of uncertainty, a challenging journey many have walked — the path through a possible cancer diagnosis, filled with anticipation mingled with hope and fear.

As we walk with Rosemarie through the twists and turns of her medical journey, from the surprising discovery in her gallbladder to the crucial biopsies that will determine her path forward, we invite you to join us. How will she navigate the uncertainty of her future? This episode is not just about the battles fought in the operating room, but the victories and sorrows shared between those who stand against cancer, hand in hand.

Thanks for listening. For more information please visit hopelovecancer.com. You can also follow us on Instagram or Facebook.

Transcript

Speaker 1:
Welcome back to tumour, tumour on the wall presented by hope love cancer as we continue our journey with your host Eve.

Speaker 2:
Welcome back to "tumour, tumour, on the wall." In today’s episode, we're alongside Rosemarie as she gets ready for surgery. There's also a biopsy that's a silent concern—one she hasn't disclosed to her daughter.

We understand this crossroads, don't we? The quiet anticipation, the heaviness of waiting for news that could change everything. It's a moment many of us have faced, filled with hope and a touch of fear.

So, let’s come together, as we accompany Rosemarie on this journey through unfamiliar terrain, drawing comfort from our shared understanding. In the stories we share, we find strength, connection, and common threads that bind us. Join us as we hold space for Rosemarie's next steps, and perhaps, see a reflection of our own paths in hers.

It is November 30th and Rosemarie just had a meeting with the surgeon and secured a date for her operation: December 7th. 

Fast forward to the evening of December 6th. Prepared as ever, she set her alarm for the early hours of 3:40 am. But not one to leave things to chance, she lined up Renée for a cross-time zone call at the same time—a backup to her backup. Renee sent a text reassuring Rosemarie that everything will go well and that she loves her. As the morning began to whisper with the sounds of the first birds, Magda picked Rosemarie up and they set off to the hospital together. Renee said that she would phone later the day to get an update.

Renee and Shawn, in the early morning hours, are abruptly woken by the ringing of a cell phone. It is Shawn’s, not Renee's, that rang — an unexpected event considering the early hour. The fact that Tobie was calling Shawn, instead of Renee, was disconcerting. It was just before 7 AM in North America and nearing 3 PM in South Africa. As Shawn picked up the phone, the room was filled with a tense expectation.

After his phone conversation with Tobie ended, Shawn's expression held an unusual tenderness. He gently conveyed the news to Renee while she felt the impact of each fact—the unexpected discovery of cancer in Rosemarie’s gallbladder, the removal of the gallbladder and gallstones, and cancer which had silently made its way into her liver and peritoneum. Considering Rosemarie's history of breast cancer, there's a possibility this could be related. Earlier, her family physician, reassured by her good health in routine tests, had not seen the need for further investigation - like a breast examination or mammogram. Now, with these developments, the biopsies from her liver and peritoneum are crucial to determine if this is a recurrence of her breast cancer. No medical terms were needed; the seriousness of the situation was as clear as the quiet morning itself. 

Shawn looked away, probably just trying to process the news he had just delivered, and Renee could see silent tears running down his cheeks. It was the first time in the fifteen years Renee had known Shawn that she saw tears of such silent sorrow, a wordless testament to the seriousness of the situation.
 The rest of the day was a blur, but one thought stood firm in Renee’s mind: she would fight this disease, knowing Shawn had her back. Rosemarie's dad had lived to 85, her mom nearly to 91. For Renee, it has always been a given that her mom would reach that milestone or even surpass it.

Months after the event, Magda shared with Renee a moment from the past: Rosemarie's visit to their home right after her meeting with the surgeon on November 30th. She was noticeably overwhelmed, her face reflecting a mix of shock and disbelief. It seemed the surgeon had prepared her for a potential cancer diagnosis. Bursting into the house, distraught, Rosemarie's first words were “I HAVE CANCER”. Though it wasn't confirmed yet, her history of battling cancer twice made this her greatest fear—a recurrence. In that moment, she was likely grappling with the shock of the possibility, mentally preparing for the worst, yet clinging to hope for the best. Reflecting on this, I think about the unique and profound anxiety that comes with such a fear. It’s something deeply personal, a kind of fear you can't fully grasp unless you've walked that path yourself.

The wait for the biopsy results was underway. In the meantime, Renee, on the other side of the world, arranged her trip to South Africa. She booked her flight on the 10th, planning to leave on the 14th of December. By the 11th, they were still awaiting the biopsy results. Rosemarie was uneasy about Renee's quick decision to come, considering Renee's own obligations and the fact that they were still without a formal diagnosis. Maybe there was a sliver of hope that the results would reveal something benign or non-cancerous? Renee, on her part, was frustrated with the delay in getting the results, feeling an urgency to begin treatment as soon as possible. Tobie and Magda in the meantime insisted that Rosemarie stay with them – at least until Renee was there.

December 21st, Rosemarie and Renee faced a significant moment at the surgeon's office. The wound from Rosemarie's surgery was healing well, but the diagnosis brought a new challenge: it was metastatic breast cancer, specifically estrogen receptor positive. ER +, or estrogen receptor positive, means that the cancer cells grow in response to the hormone estrogen. This meant chemotherapy was the next necessary step. The path forward was daunting—chemotherapy, a treatment Rosemarie had always feared and resisted.

In the midst of these heavy discussions, Renee realized she had forgotten a prescription at the office. Quickly, she turned back to retrieve it. Seizing the moment alone with the surgeon, Renee asked a personal question: "If you were in my mom's situation, would you choose chemotherapy?" The surgeon's response was unexpected. She said, "No, I wouldn't. I would focus on quality of life instead." This candid revelation struck Renee deeply. She knew her mother was already hesitant about chemotherapy. Deciding not to share this conversation with Rosemarie immediately, Renee pondered over the surgeon's words, wondering how they would shape the decisions to come.

Despite her longstanding fear of chemotherapy, Rosemarie found herself reconsidering. Renee was firmly in favour of chemotherapy, remembering a story about a famous singer who, facing metastatic cancer, regretted refusing it in his last days. Additionally, Renee's good friend had achieved remission from Stage 4 colon cancer, and she knew someone who had been living with metastatic breast cancer for almost eight years. These stories resonated deeply. Encouraged by these examples, and Shawn, Tobie and Magda also being more in favour of trying the treatment, Rosemarie agreed to try chemotherapy at least once, hoping for a more positive outcome.

As the calendar turned to the festive season, Rosemarie and Renee found themselves still staying with Magda and Tobie. Christmas was a special time surrounded by family. Despite the circumstances, there was a warmth and closeness that surrounded them all, a reminder of the strength found in family bonds.

The end of December brought not only the close of the year, but also Magda's birthday on the 31st. They decided to keep the celebrations low-key, respecting Rosemarie's need for rest. The day was filled with the simple joys of a barbecue, watching movies together, and welcoming 2016 in a peaceful, hopeful manner. As they watched the clock tick towards the New Year, a shared silent wish for recovery, was probably on everybody’s wish list.

Meanwhile, Shawn, far from his family, was not alone. His friends invited him over, showing their support and making sure he felt surrounded by care during this time."

The first session was set for January 6th 2016, a date that marked not only a new year but also a new chapter in Rosemarie’s journey. They would travel to a neighbouring city, just 25 minutes away, to meet their oncologist for the first time. Instructions were clear: “arrive early for the necessary blood work.”

Yes, you heard that right. THEIR oncologist. This wasn't just any doctor; this was the specialist who would become a central figure in their lives, guiding them through the complexities of cancer treatment. Renee felt a deep sense of ownership in this decision. It was a choice they made together, a partnership in facing the unknown. 

As they approached this meeting, Renee felt a mix of nerves and strength. This was more than just a consultation; it was the first step in a shared journey with a medical professional who would come to know their fears, hopes, and challenges intimately. In Renee's mind, this was THEIR oncologist, a testament to their united front against Rosemarie's illness, a symbol of their commitment to fight, and hope, together. 

As we transition into Episode 3 of our podcast, where we will join Rosemarie and Renee on their first chemotherapy appointment, let's reflect on the lessons from their journey so far. Their story highlights the complexities of facing a health crisis and the importance of the patient-caregiver relationship.

Before we move to Episode 3, let's highlight some important questions based on what Rosemarie and Renee have been through:

1. What do we really feel and think when we hear life-changing news?
2. Do the patient, the caregiver, and the doctor all see things the same way?
3. How important is the caregiver's input in the treatment process?
4. What are some effective ways to handle a serious health issue?
5. When faced with uncertainty, how do patients and caregivers see the future?

In reflecting on these questions, here's a piece of advice that might be useful. In challenging health situations, open communication and emotional support are vital. It's essential to ask difficult questions and seek clear, well-informed answers from medical professionals. Rely on the support of family and friends, and make sure to consider everyone's opinions. However, always remember that the final decision should rest with the patient, regardless of how hard it may be for the family. And for caregivers, it's particularly important to take care of your own well-being to stay strong and effectively handle the challenges ahead.

Join us for Episode 3 of “tumour, tumour on the wall,” where we step into an important part of Rosemarie and Renee's lives. We're about to see how they handle Rosemarie's first chemotherapy session, a time filled with courage, hope and love. How will Rosemarie face a treatment she's been afraid of? Will there be unexpected challenges during this time and how will they deal with it? This episode isn't just about them – it's a story many of us can connect with. Whether you've been through something similar or know someone who has, their experiences might touch your heart or offer a new way of seeing things. 

As we close this episode, let's remember the words of Helen Keller: “Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.”