tumour, tumour, on the wall
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tumour, tumour, on the wall
Saying Goodbye | 12
Have you ever faced a moment so heartbreaking that it stays etched in your memory forever? In this intimately moving episode of tumour, tumour, on the wall, we join Renee during one of the most touching nights and days of her life . This episode is a raw portrayal of the universal experience of loss, capturing the quiet, yet poignant reality of watching a loved one transition.
This episode isn't just about saying goodbye; it's about the profound connection that remains.
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Welcome back to Tumor, Tumor on the Wall presented by Hope Love Cancer, as we continue our journey with your host, Charlie.
Speaker 2:Welcome back to our series. Last time we gently closed a chapter filled with hope and challenges. Today we open a new chapter, stepping into deeply personal and meaningful moments. This episode delves into sensitive and emotional experiences related to loss. Chapter stepping into deeply personal and meaningful moments. This episode delves into sensitive and emotional experiences related to loss. If you find it overwhelming, please feel free to pause and come back later or listen with someone who can support you. Thank you for joining us as Renee shares these very private and tender moments.
Speaker 2:With supper just finished, renee carefully opens the door to her mom's room, ready to check on her Mom. Would you like your custard now? Renee asks softly. She waits for a response, but hears only silence Moving closer. She gently inquires are you feeling any better? Rosemarie doesn't respond, her breathing steady and peaceful. Renee wonders if she might be in a deep sleep, exhausted from the day's events. She hesitates for a moment, unsure whether to wake her or to let her rest. The room is quiet, filled with the soft hum of the evening, and Renee feels a mix of concern and tenderness as she watches over her mom. It is unusual for Rosemarie not to answer.
Speaker 2:The next hour seems like a bit of a blur to Renee. She does recall asking Rosemarie if she should take her to the hospital and Rosemarie responding with a very clear uh-uh. Renee respected her mom's response and stayed by her side offering comfort and support, all while feeling a growing sense of concern. Renee moves between Sean, who is sitting in the living room, and Rosemarie. She asks Sean if he thinks the fentanyl patches might be too strong and are making her sleepier. Sean reassures her, saying he is pretty sure the patches are fine and not causing it.
Speaker 2:Renee isn't sure when it happened, but at some point during that hour she realized her mom was in the process of dying. She doesn't know how she knew it, but she just did. It was at that moment that she phoned Toby and told him If you still have something that you want to say or tell mom, you should come Now. Toby and Magda were there within 20 minutes. They all sat in the living room, while Toby went to Rosemarie's room After being with her for just a little while, he returned and they all just sat there together. Toby and Magda offered to spend the night if Renee and Sean wanted them to. Renee remembered finding this strength from somewhere deep within. There were no tears, just the power to carry on and do what needed to be done. She and Sean thanked them but said they would manage.
Speaker 2:Around 11 pm, renee tells Sean to go to bed and that she will call him if she needed help. Rosemary only lies in one position without moving and then all of a sudden her breathing changes. The sound becomes a delicate rattling noise, soft yet distressing, like a gentle wind passing through dry leaves. Renee climbs into the bed next to Rosemary and gently covers her with blankets. She softly reassures her mom that she is there lying beside her. The room is filled with unsettling noises. Each breath a struggle sounding unusual and distressing. Renee prays silently for a miracle, her lips moving in quiet desperation. She also texts a friend of her and her mom's telling her that her mom's condition is getting worse and asks if she can pray for her mom too.
Speaker 2:Throughout the night Renee prayed repeatedly each hour, feeling both agonizingly long and heartbreakingly short. In between her prayers she would nod off and wake up each time finding Rosemarie still in the same position, her breaths heavy and strained. As the early hours of the morning approached, rosemarie's breathing began to soften, sounding almost normal. Renee couldn't recall exactly when she and Sean got up. The morning was a blur, but she remembered Toby and Magda arriving. Renee spent most of the time sitting by her mom's side keeping a vigilant watch over her. The sounds Renee heard were caused by chain stokes breathing, a pattern often seen in those nearing the end of life. It was a mix of rapid breaths followed by periods of no breathing, signaling that Rosemary's body was gradually shutting down, sometimes associated with conditions like heart failure. It could also indicate fluid buildup in the lungs. Renee's heart ached with each breath her mom took, instinctively, knowing the end was near.
Speaker 2:Toby took on the task of contacting Rosemary's sister, liz, and her sister-in-law, shirley, to inform them of Rosemary's situation. Liz, who lived about an hour and a half away from Middleburg, said that she and her husband David would come as quickly as possible. Renee recalled that she really knew nothing about those last hours until she was confronted by them. She remembered asking Rosemarie if she was thirsty, despite her condition. Rosemarie could hear Renee and murmured Mm-hmm. Renee asked if she could give her some water and Rosemarie responded with a faint. Renee, unsure how to help because Rosemarie couldn't sit up to drink from a glass and, fearing she might choke on the water, simply put some water on Rosemarie's lips. Rosemarie said those were the last two words she spoke so typically Rosemarie, grateful and polite, even in her final moments.
Speaker 1:Your support means the world to us. Whether you're a patient, a survivor, a caregiver or simply someone seeking knowledge, your presence here is making a difference.
Speaker 2:Reflecting on that night and the day that followed, renee realizes now that there are better ways to provide comfort. Today she would have known to offer ice chips or to seek advice from hospice. She would have known to offer ice chips or to seek advice from hospice. She also knows that patients are sometimes put on hydration drips, but in situations like Rosemary's it can do more harm than good by prolonging suffering and the inevitable process. Renee is grateful that Rosemary was not subjected to this Less. Intervention is sometimes more compassionate, allowing a natural and peaceful transition. During the night she had put lip balm on Rosemarie's lips to keep them moist, knowing that comfort measures were essential in these final moments. It is about 11 am when Toby suggests that Renee should get something to eat. It is really difficult for her to leave the room, but she reluctantly grabs a cracker and immediately returns. She cannot really get herself to eat more than that. Still in her pajamas, renee is urged by Magda to take a bath. Renee, very reluctantly, decides to take a quick bath. She tells Rosemary that she would be stepping out of the room for 10 minutes to take a bath, but assures her that she will not be alone in the room. Renee promises to be there in a second if anything happens, knowing that Sean will call her if needed. When Renee comes back, she sits very close to Rosemarie on her bed. She feels her mom's forehead and notices it's cold. This can happen in the final stages of life, as the body's circulation slows down and the extremities cool. However, at this time, rosemarie starts throwing off her blanket and bedding. It was evident that she was feeling hot, which can also be a sign of the body's natural process of shutting down, causing fluctuating body temperatures. Renee puts the linen back on, but Rosemarie pushes it away again. This all probably happened around 12.10pm.
Speaker 2:At that time, sean, toby, magda and Renee are all in the room. Instinctively, renee starts talking to her mom, telling her that it's okay if she needs to go. She reassures Rosemarie that she understands that she is tired and needs rest. Renee also tells her that she will be okay and that Rosemarie should not worry about her. Sean will take care of her really well. She tells her that she loves her very much and will miss her tremendously, but it will be only a matter of time until they will be together again. The words just come naturally. How do we know? It is the last minutes. Renee can't answer that.
Speaker 2:Rosemarie looked peaceful and calm at that moment. Then Rosemarie had a reflex reaction, a sudden, involuntary movement, often seen at the end of life. She made a final noise and a brown fluid came out of her mouth. It was as if a second or two just froze for Renee. She did nothing, caught in the moment. Magda quickly went to the bathroom and got a towel. Sean sat quietly at the end of the other bed and Toby started crying softly before leaving the room.
Speaker 2:It was 12.30 when Rosemarie took her last breath. Rosemarie had witnessed Renee's first breath and now Renee was witnessing her mom's last. Rosemarie's eyes had been half-open throughout the day, giving the impression that she was looking at them, but she wasn't. This happens because in the final hours the muscles controlling the eyelids can relax, causing the eyes to remain partially open. After she passed away, magda gently closed her eyes, but Renee couldn't handle the closed eyes and put them back to their previous position. The half-open eyes were a reminder of Rosemary's presence, making it feel as though she was still with them. Sean stepped out to call his parents and Magda went to comfort Toby.
Speaker 2:Renee sat alone with her mom feeling a mix of emptiness and overwhelming emotion, something between nothing and everything. It was so hard to put into words. Emptiness and overwhelming emotion. Something between nothing and everything it was so hard to put into words. She gently covered her mom's body with the linen, as if wanting to keep her comfortable and warm. Despite the profound loss, renee found a sudden strength, perhaps a coping mechanism that enabled her to start texting family and friends to inform them of Rosemarie's passing. She sent out a heartfelt generic message. One of Rosemarie's friends called and Renee compassionately offered to put the phone next to Rosemarie's ear, allowing her friend to say a final goodbye.
Speaker 2:Meanwhile, toby made arrangements with the coroners to come and fetch Rosemarie. He asked Renee if they should come immediately or wait a few hours. Renee, wanting to cherish these last moments with her mom, asked for the longest time they could possibly give them. Them Around. This time Liz and David arrived, likely missing the chance to say goodbye by just thirty minutes. It was a sad moment for everyone. Renee gently asked her aunt if she wanted some alone time with her mom and she gratefully accepted. Liz and David drank some coffee and needed to drive back soon to be home before dark. Renee visited with them for a short while and then excused herself. She wanted to be with Rosemarie and knew their time together was running out. She returned to her mother's side lying beside her, unsure if she talked to her or not.
Speaker 2:It was probably an hour after that when the coroners came. Renee remembered asking them politely to please check that there was really no pulse. They gently placed Rosemarie on a wheeled stretcher, carefully covering her with a red blanket, leaving her face visible. They put her in the car and left, leaving them standing there watching the car drive away. The reality of Rosemarie's absence began to settle in a profound silence, filling the space she just occupied. In the next episode we will look at the next few days, making decisions, dealing with those first few days after losing someone. I will leave you with this final thought from Queen Elizabeth II Grief is the price we pay for love.
Speaker 1:Thank you for tuning in to Tumor Tumor on the Wall presented by Hope Love Cancer. Don't miss out on future episodes. Make sure to hit that subscribe button For additional resources. Be sure to follow Hope Love Cancer on Facebook and Instagram and visit hopelovecancercom. Until next time, stay hopeful, informed and connected.